The Negotiating Table

Negotiations would be much more manageable if we weren't primarily emotional creatures. Read any book on negotiation strategies, and the fundamental assumption that lies beneath the surface is that the people employing these strategies are largely rational. If you have no emotional reactions to a negotiation, or if your emotional reactions are minimal, then indeed you can act strategically as you negotiate. The problem is that very few people are rational all or even most of the time. Anything the other person says or does is likely to provoke some emotional response in you. Sometimes they don't have to do anything at all - something about the circumstances of the situation itself makes you nervous, or angry, or anxious, or something else. Whatever your emotional reaction, the issue is that you have one and it dominates you.

Under such circumstances, the assumption that you are going to be rational is untenable, but there are some things you can do to help yourself along. The first and most important is to slow down the negotiation and to develop a higher level of self-awareness regarding your emotions. Some people do this naturally, and have a good sense of their emotions in real-time. Many other people are unclear at best about their emotions and have great difficulty identifying what is happening with them at any given time. Fortunately, self-awareness is something you can develop with time, through the simple act of paying attention and writing down what you notice about yourself. With time, you will become more comfortable understanding and using your emotions as you negotiate.