The Negotiating Table

People want many things. People say many things. I do, you do, the people we negotiate with do. The important principle to remember is that the things people say and do are generally not the end of the story but instead simply clues to the deeper and more significant needs that are really driving them as they negotiate. It is so easy to get hung up on their words and deeds and to lose sight of the fact that success comes instead from understanding and satisfying their underlying interests.
So next time you are negotiating with someone, whether a business partner, a customer, a vendor, a coworker, a friend, a significant other, or a child, remember to ask "why?". When the person comes out with an unreasonable demand, inquire more to find out why they want what they say they want. By uncovering their fundamental interests, you can move toward agreements that meet their interests and satisfy your own.